journey through the memory...

I have great memories! I remember vividly going to Disney World as a kid and watching the electric light parade with awe and wonder at Mickey Mouse. I remember jumping into cold swimming holes in the Smoky Mountains with my brother growing up and feeling both frozen and invigorated at the same time. I remember my first days as a freshman in college trying to make new friends and the exhaustion of staying up all night hanging out. I remember my wedding... the people, the cake, the euphoria... I remember the birth of my first, my little girl and after hours of staying by my wife's side being overcome with emotion as I got to hold her for the first time.

I also have memories that are not so great. I remember the first time a girl dumped me, I thought life was over as I knew it and that I would never find another one like her. I remember my first 'B' on a report card and the fear of my parents' reaction. I remember leaving college and all the good memories and having to start a new chapter of life. I remember my grandma dying of cancer and the absolute devastation I experienced that life as I had always known at 'Grandma and Grandpa's' would be no more. I remember moving my family away form home and to a new city, and having to watch my wife and kids struggle with the whys...

Sometimes we take for granted our memory... Even now I am watching my grandparents from a distance battle dementia and Alzheimer and losing essentially all of their memory to disease. What would it be like to have memory function lost in my life?

The memory is a blessing and a curse and is a complex thing to understand. Augustine says this about memory, 'The power of the memory is prodigious, my God. It is a vast, immeasurable sanctuary. Who can plumb its depths.' Augustine says a lot about the memory and the mind that I just do not get... and yet I walked away from his chapter in his 'Confessions' with a sense of wonder at my own memory. God has given us memory... and do you know why?

Maybe for the sheer joy of remembering life... maybe to create a dependence on Him when we remember the not so great parts of life... but ultimately He gave us our minds, our memories to remember Him...

In the Scriptures, especially in the Psalms we are exhorted to 'remember' the Lord, His mercy, His deeds, His miracles, His faithfulness. God constantly gave visual symbols to His people (Passover, altar of stones by the Jordan River) to cause them to remember Who He was and what He had accomplished for His Name's sake and on their behalf. One of the greatest instances where we are called to 'remember' is at the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper where Paul quotes Jesus as saying, 'Do this in remembrance of me'. Steve Brown once said, "The world drinks to forget, but we drink to 'remember'". What a remarkable thing, to have been given by God the gift of memory in order that we might remember first and foremost, Him!

And yet, there is something in Scripture even more remarkable... God 'remembers'. Psalm 105:8 is just one place where the Bible states, 'He remembers His covenant forever...' God remembers His covenant with us... He will never forget... His memory is perfect. And finally, yet best of all, God does forget... The Psalmist cries out in 25, 'Do not remember the sins of my youth...' God does not 'remember' our sins but casts them as far away as the east is from the west.

When is the last time you thought about the vast sanctuary of your memory? Do not take it for granted, but remember this day the greatness of your God!

Journey through the unknown of self...

I had the distinct privilege of attending a 'Regroup' conference in Loveland, CO last month. During this youth ministry training conference we participated in a 'self-awareness' exercise called 'Who's On My Bus?' During the exercise we were supposed to come up with at least 5 people who represent your personality. I thought I had this one down pat. I scribbled furiously and quickly all the people who influence my thinking (because I am a strategic thinker) which only consisted of preachers and teachers (what a boring bus). But then when I shared my bus with my group I was quickly taken off guard when a lady in my group (not my wife) said 'there is no way I would get on that bus'. Not liking to not be liked at all this comment sent me into a wave of high-strung emotion. I thought my bus was cool?! This started a long night of processing and stressing about who was on my bus. Over the next 24-48 hours with much help from my wife I identified at least 5 or 6 people on my bus. But it truly made me realize that sometimes I just do not know myself as well as I might think.  

In reading Augustine's Confessions, I ran across a statement that has been tossing around my mind for a few days now. Augustine states, "“For though no one can know a man’s thoughts, except the man’s own spirit that is within him, there are some things in man which even his own spirit within him does not know. But you, O Lord, know all there is to know of him, because you made him.” I think Augustine is on to something. There is so much about ourselves that we are so unaware of. And of course this has to do with sin, but so much more than sin. Tim Keller recently preached a sermon in which he said that the inner spirit is so complex that even we ourselves cannot understand it.

Why do we have this type of personality? Why do we act this way around one group of people and that way around another group? Why do we prefer to be alone sometimes and yet sometimes are afraid of being alone? Why do we treat the ones we love the most the worst one moment and yet the best at another? God has truly created humans complex and beyond understanding, even to themselves. This might stress some of us out... however, I take comfort in the fact that He created me intimately, just the way He wanted me and He knows all there is to know about me.      

So, when you are trying to become more self-aware, and stress out about who might be on your bus... don't worry, you'll never figure it out completely but there is one who knows you best of all walking the journey with you. Trust the Lord into the journey of the unknown land of your inner-self. 

journey... just a thought...

Just a quote for thought from Os Guinness... "Far closer to the mark is the observation that the modern world has scrambled things so badly that today we worship our work, we work at our play, and we play at our worship."

journey through the prideful sacred...

Being in full-time ministry for 12 plus years now has certainly accomplished one feat for me... it has afforded for me the constant battle over a sense of pride at what I have been and am doing for God. You see from the earliest days of my 'calling' to full-time ministry, sad to say, there has resided deep in my heart this twinge of pride over what I am doing for God in comparison with others who 'just' chose to work in the 'secular' world. Os Guinness has convicted me by finishing the work of obliterating any sense of pride I had remaining.

Over the past several years I have sought repentance and transformation in this area by seeking to understand and value those working other jobs and seeking to live for Christ in the midst of those jobs. It seems recently through my reading and what can only be called a supernatural cleaning of the Spirit, I have experienced an overwhelming sense of appreciation for all called by God to serve in other capacities... while also bringing me to my knees in humility that even though in full-time ministry I constantly observe those who are not who are leaps and bounds ahead of me in their journey with Christ.

Let me help you see where I am coming from in my thoughts... Our primary calling as followers of Christ is by Him, to Him and for Him.  We are first and foremost called to Someone, not something or somewhere. This truth gets so perverted in my warped mind. So often I find myself acting as if I am called to 'ministry' over and even above my calling to the Caller. A second thought is that our secondary calling, considering who God is as sovereign, is that everyone, everywhere and in everything should think, speak, live and act entirely for him. Therefore, in whatever it is and to wherever it is that we are called, we are called to be His and answer to Him in that.

Unfortunately, the church has distorted these two points and has created perversion in the realm of calling leaving countless people feeling prideful about their sacred jobs and even more feeling unworthy because of their sacred jobs. The first distortion arose within the Catholic church under Eusebius' influence when he categorized two stations in life: the 'perfect' reserved for priests, monks and nuns and the 'permitted' reserved for everyone else. This began a long history within the Catholic church where those of the 'perfect' way looked down on those who chose the lesser 'permitted' way. Thankfully, Martin Luther came along and helped pave the way for equality. He said that the work of a monk is no more holy than the work of a house wife and he stated that a man changing a diaper brought a smile to the face of the angels and God, thus bringing all 'jobs' under the Lordship of Christ and and bringing back into order the points of calling... we are called to Someone before we are called to something or somewhere.

Now don't get too happy Protestants because further on the Protestant church ran into its own distortion. While the Catholic church found itself elevating the sacred above the secular, the Protestant church found itself doing the opposite, elevating the secular above the sacred. How? 'Calling' began to be synonymous with 'vocation'. Thus there became no sense of 'calling' to a 'Caller' but to a job. Both distortions are far from Biblical.

Just think of a few examples: Paul was a tent-maker and continued a tent-maker after being 'called' to be an apostle. The disciples continued to fish after being 'called' to follow Jesus. Jesus Himself was raised a carpenter, and there is a strong argument that He faithfully followed God even as a carpenter.

Let me not ramble on... let me close with this...

Mothers, artists, musicians, writers, students, doctors, lawyers, teachers, plumbers, businessmen, engineers, computer people, full-time ministers... you are all called to our great and glorious 'Caller'. May you heed His call on your life and may all that you are, do, think and say be for the glory of the One who calls!  

journey to the Caller...

I am so pumped to be starting a book I've wanted to read for years now and should have read years ago. I first heard about "The Call" by Os Guinness from John Musselman, founder and president of  'The Jackson Institute', who uses this in his discipleship program (check out his organization here: www.jacksoninstitute.com). Os Guinness' classic is also on CPYU's recommended reading list and is included in "Besides the Bible: 100 Books That Have, Should, or Will Create Christian Culture".  Interestingly, Os Guinness comes from the family most famous for 'Guinness' beer. Os' family also has a long history of faithful ministers of the Gospel thus proving that ministry and beer are not mutually exclusive.

I wanted to leave everyone with Os' definition of 'call', one which I think will provide much food for thought... "For the moment let me say simply that calling is the truth that God calls us to Himself so decisively that everything we are, everything we do, and everything we have is invested with a special devotion and dynamism lived out as a response to His summons and service."

Thinking critically about my life... this sums up my life, albeit with many flaws and times of wondering what in the world God is doing and what in the world I am supposed to be doing... I know God has 'decisively' called me to Himself and my prayer everyday is that everything I am, do and have is in response to His call.

My prayer is also for you... Is your life characterized by a dynamism and devotion directed at the 'Caller'?

'Cheers' to the beginning of a great book and 'cheers' to all living in response to the call...

journey through worship from an outsider...

I am always compelled with people's opinions of Christianity who are outside of Christianity. You see, I became a follower of Jesus at a very young age and know nothing different. However, there are so many in our world that have no long standing history with the way things are in the church.

In my latest read 'Body Piercing Saved My Life: Inside the Phenomenon of Christian Rock', Andrew Beaujon records his experiences as a journalist investigating the phenomenon of Christian 'rock music' focusing on the history of Contemporary Christian Music and evaluating the Christian Music Industry. I have found much of his writing to be interesting but have also been challenged by his viewpoint of the industry (to which I have contributed a significant amount of money through the years). However, I think one of the most striking perspectives he has that has provided much consternation for me was his evaluation from an 'outsider's' perspective of a contemporary 'worship service'.

Beaujon, during his research process, had a chance to attend the GMA week in Nashville, TN and during the course of the week experienced a worship service not unlike the one I worship within each week.

His take on the actual music was not anything to write home about. He pretty much chalked every song up to being the exact same in time, progression and volume progression. I would have to agree... Inserting songs into Worship Media for the last 10 years of my life bears the truth: verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, chorus, chorus... unless you are charismatic then the Spirit may lead you to another chorus or two or three, etc. There is some creativity when the song actually ends on an abbreviated version of the first verse... 

His take on the content disturbed me, not because I think he was wrong but because I think he was right. 'Worship tunes tend to evince an adolescent theology, one that just can't get over how darn cool it is that Jesus sacrificed himself for the world... Moreover, it's self-centered in a way that reflects evangelicalism's near-obsession with having a personal relationship with Christ. It's me Jesus died for. I just gotta praise the Lord... Absent is any hint of community found in hymns such as 'The Church's One Foundation' - the Jesus of worship music is a mentor, buddy, a friend whose message is easily distilled to a simple command - praise me... this is music by the saved only, for the saved only, an art form where the images projected on the giant  screens are more fruitful sources of meditation and reflection than the lyrics superimposed on them."

Now, my philosophy of worship music and worship in general is that it be a way that we communicate to God and those around us Who God Is and What God Has Done. Ultimatelt we are praising Him! However, if this is what people on the outside are getting when they walk throuh the doors and 'experience' worship my assessment is that the church may not be on the exact train track we need to be on! Jesus should be procalimed as way more than buddy or friend, but as Creator, Redeemer, Savior and King!

One last thought... Jesus told the Samaritan woman that true worshipers must worship in spirit and truth. Do you think the church may be at a place where we are worshiping more in spirit at the expense of truth? So, needless to say, Andrew has me thinking... what are we as a church communicating through our worship?

Your thoughts? 

journey in conversionalism...

Christian evangelism, in my expert opinion, is extremely formula based. Pray this prayer, raise that hand, bow that head, close those eyes, don't look around or it may not take, use the cliche 'accepted Jesus into my heart', etc., etc. As much as I despise Christian conversionalism I find that I succumb to the same level of formula based evangelism all too often. O, not the classic 'Arminian' altar call... I would not think of such a thing. However, I do find myself in the sinking ship of classic 'Calvinistic' verbiage.  Did you 'repent' of your sin? Did you 'trust' Jesus only for your salvation? 'Have you experienced the 'irresistible call of God in your life'? Maybe I do not impose conversion actions, I sure do impose conversion language. 

It is interesting to me that in one of the most powerful conversion stories in all of the Gospels (again my expert opinion) we see great theology with no theologically imposed language. In Matthew, the tax collector and later disciple's conversion account, this is what we read. "'Follow me', Jesus said to Him, and Levi got up, left everything and followed Him."

For all of us good Presbyterian Calvinists we see plainly Unconditonal Election as well as Irresistable Grace. And for all of us good soteriologists we see repentance and faith clearly. But Jesus never imposes these beliefs or this language on Matthew. He simply says follow me and Matthew simply responds.

What do you ask has this to do with my goal of the 100 reads?

In A.W. Tozer's book 'The Pursuit of God' (my 2nd read out of 100) he has three references in his first chapter that speak to this explicitly. And it just so happened that I was reviewing his work after preparing a Sunday School lesson on the story of Matthew. Tozer states, "The whole transaction of religious conversion has been made mechanical and spiritless." To me this sounds like conversionalism. It even sounds a little like my judgment of students' testimonies. But it sounds nothing like the conversion of Matthew. You think Jesus did it right?

He goes on to say later in the first chapter, "The moment the Spirit has quickened us to life in regeneration our whole being senses its kinship to God and leaps up in joyous recognition." This is the barometer of judging a person's following after Jesus. And I dare say this characterizes Matthew quite accurately. Finally, Tozer states, "Right now we are in an age of religious complexity. The simplicity which is in Christ is rarely found among us. In its stead are programs, methods, organizations and a world of nervous activities which occupy time and attention but can never satisfy the longing of the heart." We have a lot of people being subjected to methods of salvation and appropriate theological language we and the Bible use to describe salvation and yet a lot of people devoid of the simple satisfaction that comes from knowing and following Christ. Matthew followed Christ, desired to know Him and make Him known.

This Sunday I will be teaching a group of high school students that the question is not how you encountered Jesus? The right question is 'what happened'? Did Jesus come to you? Did you leave everything and follow Him? According to the Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke that is certainly enough.

Grace and peace...