journey through the memory...

I have great memories! I remember vividly going to Disney World as a kid and watching the electric light parade with awe and wonder at Mickey Mouse. I remember jumping into cold swimming holes in the Smoky Mountains with my brother growing up and feeling both frozen and invigorated at the same time. I remember my first days as a freshman in college trying to make new friends and the exhaustion of staying up all night hanging out. I remember my wedding... the people, the cake, the euphoria... I remember the birth of my first, my little girl and after hours of staying by my wife's side being overcome with emotion as I got to hold her for the first time.

I also have memories that are not so great. I remember the first time a girl dumped me, I thought life was over as I knew it and that I would never find another one like her. I remember my first 'B' on a report card and the fear of my parents' reaction. I remember leaving college and all the good memories and having to start a new chapter of life. I remember my grandma dying of cancer and the absolute devastation I experienced that life as I had always known at 'Grandma and Grandpa's' would be no more. I remember moving my family away form home and to a new city, and having to watch my wife and kids struggle with the whys...

Sometimes we take for granted our memory... Even now I am watching my grandparents from a distance battle dementia and Alzheimer and losing essentially all of their memory to disease. What would it be like to have memory function lost in my life?

The memory is a blessing and a curse and is a complex thing to understand. Augustine says this about memory, 'The power of the memory is prodigious, my God. It is a vast, immeasurable sanctuary. Who can plumb its depths.' Augustine says a lot about the memory and the mind that I just do not get... and yet I walked away from his chapter in his 'Confessions' with a sense of wonder at my own memory. God has given us memory... and do you know why?

Maybe for the sheer joy of remembering life... maybe to create a dependence on Him when we remember the not so great parts of life... but ultimately He gave us our minds, our memories to remember Him...

In the Scriptures, especially in the Psalms we are exhorted to 'remember' the Lord, His mercy, His deeds, His miracles, His faithfulness. God constantly gave visual symbols to His people (Passover, altar of stones by the Jordan River) to cause them to remember Who He was and what He had accomplished for His Name's sake and on their behalf. One of the greatest instances where we are called to 'remember' is at the Sacrament of the Lord's Supper where Paul quotes Jesus as saying, 'Do this in remembrance of me'. Steve Brown once said, "The world drinks to forget, but we drink to 'remember'". What a remarkable thing, to have been given by God the gift of memory in order that we might remember first and foremost, Him!

And yet, there is something in Scripture even more remarkable... God 'remembers'. Psalm 105:8 is just one place where the Bible states, 'He remembers His covenant forever...' God remembers His covenant with us... He will never forget... His memory is perfect. And finally, yet best of all, God does forget... The Psalmist cries out in 25, 'Do not remember the sins of my youth...' God does not 'remember' our sins but casts them as far away as the east is from the west.

When is the last time you thought about the vast sanctuary of your memory? Do not take it for granted, but remember this day the greatness of your God!

Journey through the unknown of self...

I had the distinct privilege of attending a 'Regroup' conference in Loveland, CO last month. During this youth ministry training conference we participated in a 'self-awareness' exercise called 'Who's On My Bus?' During the exercise we were supposed to come up with at least 5 people who represent your personality. I thought I had this one down pat. I scribbled furiously and quickly all the people who influence my thinking (because I am a strategic thinker) which only consisted of preachers and teachers (what a boring bus). But then when I shared my bus with my group I was quickly taken off guard when a lady in my group (not my wife) said 'there is no way I would get on that bus'. Not liking to not be liked at all this comment sent me into a wave of high-strung emotion. I thought my bus was cool?! This started a long night of processing and stressing about who was on my bus. Over the next 24-48 hours with much help from my wife I identified at least 5 or 6 people on my bus. But it truly made me realize that sometimes I just do not know myself as well as I might think.  

In reading Augustine's Confessions, I ran across a statement that has been tossing around my mind for a few days now. Augustine states, "“For though no one can know a man’s thoughts, except the man’s own spirit that is within him, there are some things in man which even his own spirit within him does not know. But you, O Lord, know all there is to know of him, because you made him.” I think Augustine is on to something. There is so much about ourselves that we are so unaware of. And of course this has to do with sin, but so much more than sin. Tim Keller recently preached a sermon in which he said that the inner spirit is so complex that even we ourselves cannot understand it.

Why do we have this type of personality? Why do we act this way around one group of people and that way around another group? Why do we prefer to be alone sometimes and yet sometimes are afraid of being alone? Why do we treat the ones we love the most the worst one moment and yet the best at another? God has truly created humans complex and beyond understanding, even to themselves. This might stress some of us out... however, I take comfort in the fact that He created me intimately, just the way He wanted me and He knows all there is to know about me.      

So, when you are trying to become more self-aware, and stress out about who might be on your bus... don't worry, you'll never figure it out completely but there is one who knows you best of all walking the journey with you. Trust the Lord into the journey of the unknown land of your inner-self.